An Emissary( “Shimukombe” – Bemba language,” Nkongu”– Lunda language and” Alangizi” – Nyanja language) is a person that is chosen by the family to provide counselling and Marriage training to the couple who are about to wed. Various counselling includes budgeting in the home, respecting in laws, what’s expected in the Marriages etc including  how to handle your wife/husband in marriage concerning love making and so forth.As such it’s important that considerations are put in place on choosing the Emissary as this has an impact on the Marriage life of the couple. The points below will help you on how to choose an Emissary.

1. TRIBE/ CULTURE.

It’s important that you choose the person from  your tribe or someone who understands your traditions and culture because there a certain rituals that are unique according to the tribe or culture of the couple. If the Emissary you choose is not familiar with those rituals or traditions of your tribe, it’s difficult for the couple to learn things required according to the the culture/tribe of that couple.

2. LIFE STYLE

It’s important to understand or know the community life style of the Emissary. Choosing someone with negative life style has a negative impact on what they will pass on to the couple.you need to consider the life style they exbit in the society such  as how they treat their own spouse and marriage, their social conduct, their religious beliefs and so forth.  Good life style mean they will teach the couple good morals and values.

3. BACKGROUND

It’s important you know their background and experience.Some people think what they went through, everyone should or will go through also. What they will impart in the couple may also depend on their background. It’s important you consult the background of the” shimukombe” from  people who  know where they come from. Consider questions like ‘Do  they come from a polygamous home or not? Are they brought up by a single parent or not? Etc

4. EXPERIENCE/ KNOWLEDGE

It’s important that the Emissary you choose has experience and knowledge of things pertaining to shibukombe before the couple is mislead. An experienced one is a better teacher and have knowledge of what needs to be done.They have dealt with a lot of couples and therefore know what’s required and they are up to any challenge concerning what the couple can bring in terms of questions and what to teach.

5. FAMILY RELATIONSHIP

Choosing an Emissary who knows your family well and shares close relationship with the family of the couple is important. Because they will put extra effort in terms of counselling for sake of good family relationship. They will ensure the Right information and knowledge will be supplied to the couple so as to  please  the rest of the family as well.

6. RELIGIOUS BELIEFS.

The   Emissary teaches a lot of things pertaining to Marriage. If their beliefs contradict with your beliefs or that of the family, wrong beliefs that are compromising will be taught to the couple. Religious practices have impact on the lives of people. People live according to what they believe in,so it’s important to consider the religious beliefs of the Emissary.

7. EDUCATION

It may sound funny to some people because wisdom and experience is not dependant on how educated one is, but it’s important to choose someone who knows what to do to make it in life as a couple.How you are going to help your partner attain their goals and how you’re going to upgrade each other. The issues of budgeting and setting goals all needs some basic education. So it’s important you consider the education of the” shibukombe” you want to choose. While you’re being taught traditions, you need also to be taught other aspects of education and it’s importance on your Marriage.

8. OTHER TRIBES.

It’s also important that the couple is trained by more than one person if it’s possible. Try to bring in  marriage counsellors from other tribes also helps to impart more knowledge to the couple about to get married. This also helps the young couple learn about values and advice given to their friends from other tribes that they may not be aware of.  This helps the couple to adopt and choose which ones  are more helpful and appealing. Dancing skills and traditional marriage skills will vary according to the set tribe.

Zambian marriage traditions deem that its always been the responsibility of the Man to pay  for  the wedding   and as western style weddings become the norm compared to Traditional weddings, the list of requirements  of what to do and have are rising the cost of weddings to levels that are now leaving some Grooms stressed with having to overstretch their wedding budget and this will sometimes result in them forgetting some basic but important bits of what needs to be done. Here are some common points of things they may have forgotten to do while planning their wedding

1. BUYING WHAT THEY WILL EAT AFTER THE WEDDING:

It has become common for some  Zambian grooms not to put effort on planning what they will eat after the wedding and  in many instances end up sleeping hungry. This has prompted family members to start asking the groom if they have food at home or they ordered for food where they will be spending the night . As this  continues to occur its now caught the attention of  family members who may have donated food in the past to make sure that its brought to the attention of the groom mostly a few days before the wedding day.

2. FORGETTING TO PURCHASE CLOTHES FOR THE BRIDE:

This happens because Zambian brides are told not to go with old clothes to their husband’s home. They are asked to leave behind all their clothes which may be put in storage, given away to charity or given to some  family members to share among themselves. Situations have come up where some brides have found themselves with nothing to wear later on after the wedding.  This maybe upsetting to any bride looking forward to changing into something fresh and new and not the clothes worn earlier for the wedding.  The last thing any Groom needs is a grumpy bride on the first night together.

3. ATTENTION TO THEIR APPEARANCE:

Most  Zambian grooms are always under pressure and moving from one place to another for wedding arrangements and planning at times leaves them with little time to pay attention to basic male grooming and they end up forgetting to shave their hair and beards and paying attention to their entire appearance.

4. FORGETTING TO THANK BA INKONGU.

Actually there are alot of things for which the groom can give thanks for which they end up forgetting,But this one is very important and Zambian grooms forget to say thank you to these marriage counsellors.On the wedding day when everyone is gone,” inkongu” ( marriage counsellors) remain behind to escort the couple where they will be spending the night. As most Zambian brides are  separated and taught traditional values for marriage maybe for 2 months or more, these counsellors makes sure the groom is treated very special by the bride.They will escort them in the room, undress the woman before the  groom and ask the bride questions on how to treat a man in front the groom and present things like  a Razor, towel and bowel.Razor to shave the groom in case the puberty hair has grown.the bowel for washing after sex and face towel for wiping or drying up after washing. But most Zambian men end up not even saying thank you, mainly because they just get surprised with what’s happening.

5. TRANSPORTATION AFTER THE WEDDING:

Most family and friends tend to provide vehicles which  are donated to ferry the bridal party and others up to the wedding venue/ reception. After the wedding, the people who donate their cars just tend to give lifts to those going the same route home as them when the wedding is over. The  couple’s vehicle is always secured leaving behind the family members and bridal party members stranded.You will find the Zambian groom has forgotten how people who helped him will move and now panic starts.

6. FORGET TO EAT:

This may sound funny but Zambian grooms are sometimes under to much pressure with the wedding planning that they may not often stop to have a proper meal. There  have been many instances where Zambian grooms have fainted/dropped on the ground due to weakness for lack of food.  For this reason many family members now assign someone to make sure the groom has a proper meal or eats some food to keep him going.Sometimes excitement and anxiety also makes them forget they have not eaten.

7. CHARGING THE PHONE:

Zambian grooms as said earlier are mainly not good planners unless those with alot of money paying for wedding planners.  By the time they need to use the phone that’s when they realize they didn’t charge the phone and they don’t have charger.

8. PHOTO WASTAGE:

Zambian grooms actually forget to put precautions on Photography,how many they want,the size and how it should be done.They will keep taking photos from place to another no counting nor considering what they want. Its only when the  photos comes out that they now start complaining when they should have been paying attention when the photos where been taken.They just get over excited and become wasteful forgetting the outcome of charges sizes and numbers of photos.

9. FORGET TO OBSERVE THEIR CULTURE:

Some Zambian grooms forget traditional cultures,norms and heritage.In Zambian kissing is allowed at weddings because the couple are declared man & wife but they are still expected to show it little restrain to cultural respect by not  kissing deeply and over doing things which westerners may get away with  but some Zambian grooms tend to forget such things when caught up in the moment  and end up making some people who are not acustomed with Western culture uncomfortable and some end up feeling disrespected especially relatives from remote areas who may not be familiar with things like the urban life styles or things like social media.Zambian grooms explosively forget the culture and traditional doing things in excitement just because it’s their day. To be honest most Grooms by now may have been under a lot of pressure that they may not be aware of some of their actions as they are just glad the pressure is off and they just want to have a great time.

10. GIFT CARE -TAKER:

All Zambian grooms love to receive  gifts but often forget to appoint someone who will take care of the gifts given. its only when family members start to run up to them asking where gifts are to be placed or whose paying attention or taking care of the gift when most Grooms realise that they had not taken care of that aspect of the wedding planning.  That’s when they will get busy now trying to get someone to look after the presents when they should be relaxing and having a great time.

In Zambia a wedding is considered as a man’s responsibility and any way that the bride gets involved is seen as a good gesture. Grooms go through a lot of pressure and stress trying to put things together especially with the economic situation in the country, as such there’s wide room for any bride to surprise the groom on the big day. This is bound to keep the groom smiling and looking forward for more to come as they start their life together coz there rare instances where Zambian brides have surprised their grooms on the big day even in a smaller way. Depending on one’s budget, here are some ways a bride can spring a wonderful surprise for the Groom.

1. PAYING FOR THE HONEYMOON/FIRST NIGHT.

In Zambia good lodges are expensive and pose a great challenge for a middle-class groom to afford one with expenses they incur in the entire wedding preparations, as such they end up arranging for poor accommodation so long, they get to spend some nights away from home just to reduce on expenses. While it’s a groom’s responsibility to look for accommodation and they don’t even expect the bride to do anything concerning booking the first night accommodation. Now! Imagine the groom is thinking about where to go for honeymoon with little money remaining and worrying how the bride will feel, then the bride just comes and says “honey! we are going to such a place and I already paid for everything including decor”.( This may not be easy for some men to accept but we hope he secretly loves it anyway.) Most Men are bound to be amazed coz Zambian brides are not usually concerned much about that and doing that is a headline on its own.

2. SURPRISE HIM WITH A SPECIAL SONG.

Having gone through pressure of wedding arrangements and all, most Grooms would love to hear good and supportive words of how well they have done to help create a wonderful day. The bride can surprise him with a special song telling him he is superman, how she loves him and respects him, calling him” my king” with good sound & Melody which is bound to reduce some grooms to tears. If the bride can’t sing, she can invite someone who can do that on her behalf to surprise her new Husband with a special song dedicated specially to him only.

3. TRADITIONAL MEAL/ BREAKFAST.

This is one aspect that a groom longs for, but they don’t get it. A ZAMBIAN GROOM is hungry for love making on that day and they want foods that can give them energy. If its early in the morning they can just receive a healthy meal from the bride which includes foods that are filling and provide energy as well. This indicates to the groom that the bride too is eager for their union & they can’t wait. When it comes to this don’t even think about how this type of food can upset the stomach, just present that surprise to him. A Zambian groom will tell that story to friends repeatedly.

 

4. WEDDING ATTIRE.

This is the priority for majority of Zambian grooms. They buy these months before the wedding day, particularly a suit. Imagine trying to economise things, that they may purchase a suit that’s not very good at all. Imagine during dress up, The groom just happens to receives a package for a well fitted suit exactly his size imported from abroad while his suit was bought locally, with a note saying “Honey I hope you will like what l got as I didn’t want to let you know I ordered it long time ago” The groom will be there not believing that’s happening to him because Zambian grooms know that Zambian brides needs a lot of things for the wedding in order to look good and they are just concerned with themselves and how they will look beautiful for the groom not how the groom will look good for her. This is an amazing surprise and I was told one bride did it and the entire family of the groom were amazed.

  

5. UNDERPANTS/SOCKS.

I know this may sounds hard to believe but  most Zambian grooms are so bad when it comes to buying such things like pants and socks. They may be traveling for a 3 days honeymoon with just a single pair of underpants and single pair of socks. Just imagine the bride surprising the groom with a pair of underwear, the groom will be just like “wow! did you think about that?” It will make them happy that the bride had taken some time to remember something like this which was not a priority but is still necessary for the Groom.

  

6. AN AFTER-WEDDING PARTY WITH FRIENDS.

When it comes to Zambian grooms, they can go on cerebrating, so they have their good friends around them. The bride can just invite the groom’s close friends for just a surprise party, where maybe the groom just thinks they are going to rest after a long day, surprisingly , they just find the place decorated, surrounded with friends and love songs, and the first question would be whose Idea was this even before hugging friends. Zambian grooms love parties and having a good time with friends when it comes to their big day because during the actual wedding, they are surrounded by both family members and sometimes they are not free to completely relax in front of elderly relatives in cerebrations, But if the bride can do this for him, A Zambian groom will write this in his history book.

  

7. PURCHASING A CAR AS A GIFT

This in its self is a very grand gesture considering that the price of motor vehicles in Zambia are very pricy. This would have to be planned months before in advance but if possible its one gift that will melt the heart of any Groom leaving him shocked and speechless as to how you pulled it off without him knowing but leaving him very pleased with the car surprise.

  

African traditional weddings come in various ethnicities, culture, shapes and sizes. And while wedding ceremonies in a lot of African countries are usually one of the few occasions where African folks can freely exhibit their various cultural enthusiasms such as music, rituals and dances, several shenanigans that are the wrong blend of amusing and humiliating are frequently on the rise.
While you may want to believe that every type of wedding has its own drama, we can say for sure that African weddings come with a lot of extras. From unbelievable dowry requirements to uncivil relatives, several unwanted dilemmas continue to surface, almost wriggling their way into becoming norms at most African weddings. If you have got your big day coming up soon, here are 10 things you want to be conscious of to ensure that your big day doesn’t get ruined!

1. Outrageous dowry demands

If you’re from the western world and have never heard the word “dowry”, you’re forgiven. If you’re African, you’ve definitely heard the word. Chances are, you’ve paid it or are going to pay it one day. So, what exactly is dowry? Dowry, also referred to as bride price is a set of requirements, often consumable items that is required to be paid by the groom to the bride’s family as a token for the bride’s hand in marriage. This tradition is one of the oldest African cultures.
Although dowry may vary from culture to culture, the list will usually include farm produce such as yam, rice, maize, livestock and some materialistic items like traditional clothes and wrappers. In more recent times, African parents have developed an annoying knack for requesting for rather outrageous items or quantities from grooms looking to marry their daughters.
In some cases, families may demand goats, oil, yams and other produce in overabundance. Some families and relatives even go as far as evaluating the total amount of monies that has been spent on raising the bride and her education as is the case in the eastern part of Nigeria. At times, these demands may total to thousands of dollars and ends up causing the groom to result to obtaining loans or as more commonly seen, flee from the union altogether especially when the arrangement is inter-ethnic.

2. Poor planning

Irrespective of your race and ethnicity, poor planning can be a problem in every wedding. Owing to the somewhat unusual demands of African in-laws however, you can expect extra hurdles to scale and poor planning can leave you with an unredeemable ceremony on your hands.
Without taking the adequate steps to cater for your guest and double-checking other thing such as venue,  food, rings and co., you certainly will be setting up yourself for a disastrous wedding.

3. Relatives

More often than not, there is usually friction between mother of the bride and mother of the groom or the bride and groom’s mother. Other relative too can have long scores to settle and figure that there is no better place to do it than your big day.
Prepare to quell many quarrels surrounding the colour of the ceremonial attire, what families should dance first and even who didn’t greet who first. Keeping everyone happy here will go a long way in keeping your wedding drama-free

4. Exes

If it was up to me, I’d skip the part where the congregation is asked if there is anyone not in support of the union. Whether it’s the disgruntled ex-girlfriend that he left you for, or your ex-boyfriend that you went to extra lengths to make sure he didn’t get an invite, you will be extra lucky if the only thing you have to worry about is why the food is taking so long rather than why your soon-to-be spouse belongs to them.

5. D-day demands

Even when you have met up with rarest things included on your dowry list, African relatives and In-laws may still decide to greet you with an extra surprise and demand something else on the D-day. Failure to meet these new requirements may go as far as barring the procession on the wedding day.

6. Food

There is no overstating the essence of a high quality and quantity of food when it comes to African weddings. Granted, food is a staple necessity in every type of wedding, but African’s can be extra. This is because of two reasons. First, most African cultures have adopted western influence and as such, it is not unlikely to find rice, salad and other continental recipes on display. However, for Africans, none of these things come close to special foods that are believed to be reserved for special days. The inability of everyone to get ample servings of such native dishes is sure to stir up some drama.
The caterer had also better get her meals right as guests can be very vocal about the lack of skill or perfection, immediately turning the wedding ceremony to be solely cut out for food. If you plan on slaughtering a cow, kill two because meat is never enough and ensure that the portions are decent enough to be satisfactory to everyone. Watch out for the extra guests that will always find their way into your party, invited or not.

7. Venue and Traffic

Strive to stay drama-proof and choose a befitting hall that is considerate of weather, size, accessibility and traffic. If you pick an area too exotic or too expensive, you can envision a lower turnout and if your venue is not right for the occasion, you will end up looking like you’re throwing a social fellowship rather than a matrimonial ceremony.

8. Music and Photographs

Unlike modern atmospheres that may solely rely on live bands, African weddings will always have a space to fit in their cultural music, drum beating and DJ party mixes. The key here is to make sure that your DJ delivers on native and indigenous beats when the party is prime for funky and slow, enjoyable rhythms when love is in the air. Since you’d be taking a lot of shots on the day and making amazing memories that you really can’t physically relive, your photographer is just as important as your groom on the day.

9. Souvenirs

Although souvenirs may not be overly popular in western cultures, they are almost a constitutional requirement in popular west African weddings. From hand-held fans to branded calendars, printed exercise books and much more, African guests are expecting your take-home package.
An insufficiency of souvenirs may lead to breakouts and retaliation by verbal abuses to the distributor. So, if you’re not going to make enough souvenirs, don’t make at all.

10. Weather

While this one is not solely in your hands, checking with forecasts and considering the climates and environment that you’re hosting your wedding will do you no harm whatsoever. If you have your event scheduled for the rainy season, be sure to use an in-door venue that can accommodate the hundreds and thousands of guests that you will be expecting. Also, take the weather into consideration while selecting the type of foods and their availability in the season.

Stag night or a bachelor’s party is a night full of celebration and enjoyment mainly organized for a man or a would-be groom who is going to get married very shortly. It is a very important occasion for every man as it marks the ending of his bachelor life and beginning of a new married life. So every man wants to celebrate his stag night in such as manner that it becomes a memorable event for him which he can cherish for a long time. A stag night is generally organized by the people who are very close to the groom and know him from his childhood. People who are generally involved in the stag night celebrations are the childhood friends, university class mates, colleagues and of course the family members of the groom.

The party is thrown in the honor of the person who is going to get married, but eventually it turns out to be a night full of enjoyment with exciting events to follow one by one. Nowadays stag night is no longer limited to the night before marriage and may extent up to several days including adventurous activities and outings. Stag night in a lighter note is also sometimes referred to as the last night of freedom for the groom as he is eventually going to get surrendered in the hands of his bride. Thus it includes all kinds of events, games, enjoyment, drinking all night and merry making which his future wife may not allow him to do after is marriage. Now let us go through the different ways in which a stag night can be thrown for an African groom.

7 Ways for the Ultimate Stag Night Celebration.

Get Drunk With Old Friends: This is perhaps one of the best ideas for a perfect stag night for an African groom. What can be better than the company of your best friends and the close people with whom you have spent your bachelor life so far? Get yourself drunk and get involved in a long conversation about the best times of your life you all have spent together in the past. Rejuvenate your memories and feel as if you have time travelled to the golden era of your life. Sing, dance and enjoy together with your old friends and companions as if it is the last night of your life and it will never be the same again after your marriage.

Stag Night Pranks: You can always arrange for some funny and exciting prank for the groom which is sure to surprise him a lot and make is night memorable. You can arrange for some pole dancers who will dance exclusively for the groom and entertain him to the fullest. Another idea can be to arrange some BBW dancers who will showcase their ultimate lap dance. You can simply blindfold the groom and take him to a stage where a lovely dance stripper will strip dance for him which is sure to blow his mind the moment he will open his blindfold. The groom will never forget the sudden and big show of the stripper and will enjoy every bit of it.

Arrange For A Paintball Game: What could be more engaging or exciting than a game of paintball arranged for the African groom with all his friends, colleagues and dear once. This action packed game is sure to thrill the groom and make his night just awesome. All the people will get involved in the game and will form their own teams and work together to defeat their opponents. In the process they will build a bond of friendship and trust among themselves which is sure to last for a long time. You can even arrange a laser paintball game if you find the normal paintball game to be a bit messy for the dyes and colors involved in it.

Watch A Movie Together: Arrange for a movie session for the African groom with all his friends together. Choose a movie which is humorous or funny as this is sure to make your night full of fun and enjoyment. The movie can also be a romantic one and all of you can tease the groom while watching the different romantic scenes and make him wonder how his life will change all together just like the movie scenes after marriage. The groom is sure to enjoy a lot and feel very happy and excited when he will watch the movie with everyone along with drinks and food.

Funny Dresses for The Groom: What can be more exciting than making the groom wear a funny dress in the stag night? Strip him of his clothes and make him wear a funny outfit brought from a charity shop. It might be a clown’s dress or can be long pajamas with a pipe dressing gown along with slippers. It can also be a hideous shirt and suit brought from any high street. Then all of you can make fun of him and embarrass him to the fullest by not giving his clothes back for the entire night.

Go Out For A Limo Ride: Riding a limousine can be a once in a lifetime opportunity for an African groom. Hire a limousine for a night and take the groom for a spin around the town. It will add a touch of class to your night and will make the groom feel extremely happy and delighted. You can stop at a luxury restaurant and have your dinner together. Then go out for a night ride in your limousine and hop in at different nightclubs and pubs of your choice and have a drink together along with dancing your heart out.

Arrange Exotic Dishes For The Groom: No stag night enjoyment can complete without the arrangement of exotic dishes for the groom. Choose and arrange for the dishes which the groom loves the most. Add a bit of fun to it. All of you start eating the food without giving it to the groom even if he wants for it several times. Make him plead for the food and serve it to him at last after all of you have nearly finished eating. In this way you can make fun of him and also serve him the best food he likes.

Thus to conclude we can say that stag night is a night full of enjoyment and fun for an African groom. The motive is to spend quality time together full of fun, frolic and enjoyment so that it remain as a memorable night for the groom as he is about to enter his new married life within a few days.

Its well known that when the new Duke of Sussex (Prince Harry) married the American Actress, Megan Markle, they had a mixture of traditional and modern rules for their wedding. Gone is the era of the cookie-cutter wedding; you can celebrate your own way. Forget the “have to” and should” about your nuptials. there are no hard and fast rules, expect one: Be a gracious bride and groom while letting your true style shine. Here are a few rules we are sure some brides are longing to break and do away with:

You don’t have to wear white.

This season bridal designers showed scene-stealing creations in blush, pale blue and even rich red. You can also get away with a knee length dresse or a white trouser suit if you are bold enough. Some African and Zambian brides are opting for traditional look fabrics which are gaining in popularity. No matter its hue, you will look radiant in whatever knockout frock you decide to wear.

You can ask anyone to be in your party.

Your mum may have had to line up friends to pair off with your dad’s groomsmen, but you two needn’t be so matchy-matchy. Have any one you want to stand up with you both- a man of honour, grooms maids (may be a little bit tricky when it’s an African wedding) and don’t worry about having an equal number of him and hers. They can walk up the aisle solo or in groups of three. They don’t have to wear the same thing either. Devise a palette of up to 3 hues. Hand your maids’ swatches or pain chips and let them choose their own outfits if they stick to colours, even African prints are fair game.

You can send out a handwritten Invitation.

We love letterpress, adore embossing and fall hard for flat printing, but if these aren’t your type or the traditional wording of an invitation doesn’t feel like you, then write something that does; its bound to be one of a kind. Use your invitees’ names to make it personal and be sure to include all details.

You can have any stone in any setting.

Diamonds are some girls best friend, but other brides prefer garnets, pearls or sapphires. If it came with a proposal, the any stone can function as an engagement ring. You don’t even need to follow the fourth-finger, left hand custom in Europe, many people wear a wedding band on the right hand. Any ring, given and worn with love is a fitting symbol of something with no beginning or end.

Your flowers and favours can do double -duty.

Less is more when you combine two elements. Ceremony flowers can reappear at your reception, and for example and gorgeous escort cards will work as favours too.

You can make your Reception venue feel more like home.

You probably can’t spend lots of time with each guest, but you can promote an intimate at -home dinner-party atmosphere by surrounding invitees with a few of your favourite things. Create a unified table with the same flatware and china at each place, then fill the centre with an array of beloved objects- from registry gifts to a stash of personal curios.

You can serve whatever you want with Dessert.

If your sweet tooth is satisfied by the cake, offer something savoury, like cheese, etc after dinner. To set up an appealing array, order a mixture of mild and strong flavours, different textures and cheeses made with goat, cow or sheep milk. You can also come up with tropical desserts using ingredients found in Zambia only. Add name tags so guests know what they are diving into, then pair some of the food with breads, stone fruits, nuts etc and display on pedestals of varying heights. Finally, introduce an element that will surprise everyone such as a honeycomb. (you know Zambia has some of the best raw organic honey).
We hope this list will inspire you to do away with some traditions, come up with you own unique ones to make you stand out.